JUMPING IN A CIRCLE WITH JOY
I GOT THE MALLEUS DRACONA OVERBLOT CARD SECOND TEN PULL AND A GRIM CARD FROMTHE PURPLE TUNA CAN EVENT
dont read if you cant handle my freak
im so freaked out for divus crewel i need his card on twist. I NEED HIM. hes so hot, lowkey he could hit me with that thingymajiggy he holds and id like it, actually LOVE IT. bro i would be on my knees if he asked...im gonna write fanfic about him after i finish my ten missing assignments.
where ive been
hey sorry to anyone who actual reads this, i was super busy last week and didnt have time to post. a small update yesterday was 50 days clean and while each day is a struggle there are always things worth not going back. ive also reached 145 days on another thing which felt nice to know im not totally obssessing over parts of myself.
gets kinda venty towards the end IRLS DNI
the reason ive been so busy was mock trial, jan 30th was district competiton... which we lost. both times. both trials. I LOST MY TRIAL. i lowkenuenly wanted to die on the spot when i heard. atleast i got decent scores for my first time ig, most of them werent deserved and likely out of pity. namely the 9s across the board on my opening statement. it sucked horridly. the writing sounded like a 12 year olds 2018 wattpad fan fic, and i stumbled and repeated a scentence on my conclusion which was the strongest (while still weak) part of it. i did however have fun and truly enjoyed it, i could really see myself having a future in law. i also may not go to the JVS which is a career school because i need to win, i need to be better than bo at something. if i can prove my worth and show that im better than him then maybe ill be worth something. maybe ill finally stop being seen as a failure and be taken seriously.
otome recc/rating
i wanna start rating all the otome games i play to push my niche out there a little more. the otome of the week is... otomekei koi kakumei love revo!! for the nintendo ds.
In otomekei koi kakumei love revo!! you play as a female protaganist (name of your choosing) whos main goal is to lose weight and capture your love intrests attention. the fem protag spent her childhood as a beauty pagent queen winning left and right, however as her fans gift her chocolates and sweets she one day gives in and eats them all gaining weight. she finds that she doesnt care about how big shes gotten until the five most popular guys at school move into the apartmetn complex her dad owns. four out of five of them mock her for her appearence the fifth souta-kun being the only one kind from the start. she decides to make a change so she goes to her big brother who ontop of being a love intrest (ew??) is a sort of manager for her giving her a monthly report on everyones feelings for her. the other five love intrests i cant rememeber the names of, as oni-chan stood out due to my least favorite trope the incest trope, while souta stood out as my favorite trope the traumatic genki.
gameplay ★★★★☆ the game play was fantastic, especially for an older ds game. you got either one full day task per day or a half day task that would split the day between your chosen task and studying. full day tasks were a fully day of studying, pe, science, or history. half days held, workout, shopping, eating, working. on holidays, breaks, and weekends it becomes a special day where youre able to do all of the half day, and full day stuff atop of being able to vist any of your love intrests. juggling, weight loss, working for money, getting stats to a spot where the love intrest youre pining was hard, however the game wouldve been boring without it so it wasnt too large of a problem (minus the tears when i failed to get the guy..) the weight loss system was complex, you had five catagorys, arms, legs, face, strength, and weight. different workouts aided in different things, you could also go to town and use the salon. for 15000 you could get a full body treatment which was OP. you could lose up to five kg each time, and got addtives in the other four catagories. obviously being a weight loss centered game there had to be a way for you to gain it back, which came through eating. over the course of different activities you gain hunger, which lowers the plus for each activity after a certin point. to rid yourself of the hunger you have to buy food from the town, based on the calories and filling was how it would affect you. things with more than two out of three hearts in calories i would personally stear away from as the gain is not worth it, things that were anything below two filling hearts also werent worth it as youd just gain from how much youd have to eat.
characters ★★☆☆☆ honestly i wasnt a fan of alot of the characters. i thought that the point of losing weight for a bunch of bitchy little boys who couldnt get passed your looks sucks. from the start everyone but souta was a major turn off. you may be like "conner but wasnt Oni-chan also nice to you?!?" yeah but THATS YOUR BROTHER???? i genuinely dont get the apeal from the incest trope, i ignored oni-chan completly. one of the characters particularly peeved me off, your childhood friend who also was fat.. youd expect him to not care about fem protags weight and see her for her personality , but no hes just like the other four and thinking without a brain. a lot of the towns people were interestingly weird, i liked the sports shop guy who wore a paper bag over his head he was kinda silly...my biggest opp was the pick me class mate whos whole purpose was to put the fem protag down and motivate her to lose weight. she was just unnessacarily bitchy, youd only see her at school and occationally at the beauty salon but any appearance she had shed mock you.
art ★★★★★ the game had the 2010 otome game art style which is one i hold dear to my heart as a child who was obsessed with otomedating simulators. the only problem i had was after you lose weight the fat icons do not change, youre still shown as the same fat person on everything other than your stats page.
overall its a good game and i would reccomend it to anyone interested in more complex otome games!
peak of the mountain
i must've been a saint in another life to deserve the attention cami gives me. last night i think we were both flirting using our favorite historical figure, napoleon bonaparte and his wife josephine bonaparte.
my tummy hurts :(
i just ate an entire tube of strawberry chapstick
giggles and kicks feet
in my imagination camis lips taste like strawberry chapstick.
i was thinking about that while putting on chapstick a little bit ago and now i cant stop thinking about it
im so skibidi i have negative aura rizz and no lizzy dune gyatt
last night me and cami were flirting(?) over napoleon boneparte. this is worse then my cannablism pick up line from when i became enamored wtih the psychology behind cannibalism..
"are you flesh, because i wanna eat you till i go crazy", "are you cannibslism because you make my brain go crazy"
if i have to do cross, you may be putting a cross on my grave.
jkjk
but for shizzle im cooked. ive got everything down except frankie moyo being cohersed. i need it done by tommorrow cause i wanna run it tommorrows class to have an in class day to work on my opening statement and objections.
im apparantly good at asl, my teacher said i was the best in class? i kinda thought i suck at it or was struggling more than the rest of the class.
i forgot i have play practice. i need to stop making commitments i dont wish to follow.
i wanna go home, today sucked im too worried to focus
august told me yesterday i didnt have enough non vents to read so enjoy this long yap :D (phoenix wright: ace attorney spoilers in first paragraph.)
Miles edgeworth is hands down the best ace attorney character. if you dont know who he is hes the main prosecutor from most ace attorney games involving phoenix wright. hes a prodigy having become a prosecutor by the age of twenty, with a perfect reccord similar to his mentor manfred von karma (who technically only lost one case. his frist case he loses is in the turnabout trilogy during pheonix wrights second case, where maya fey is being prosecuted for the death of her sister. miles loses due to phoenixs wits and a general want to bring real justice instead of countinuously throwing innocent people into prison. his mentor Manfred was not having that however he was all angry and homophobic towards miles and goes "stupid twink i know what youve done..", then in the final part of the trilogy we see MILES EDGEWORTH IS BEING CHARGED FOR THE MURDER OF HIS FATHER.. HUUUH, HWAT. back when he was a child he was in the elevator with his father and a police office and they were fighting so dumbass little miles grabs the officerss gun shoots the power goes off than when it comes back on boom daddy edgeworth is...dead. Miles himself belives he had been the one to kill his father and was completely ready to face the consecoinces and go to whatever hell the ace attorney jail is. however after a very long court case between phoenix (who stepped up and took the case and manfred who was not only accusing but prosecuting, they discover that a bullet from outside of the elevator had been the one to kill gregory edgeworth... A BULLET SHOT BY MANFRED VON KARMA. hes such a good character i love him so much.
wrightworth (miles x phoenix) is practically canon. The two were both designed by a YAOI ARTIST, is there anything gayer?...Also in turnabout samurai where theyre investigating a case that happened on the scene of Miles edgewoths favorite tv show steel samurai, at the end in the back of the defence waiting room miles says to pheonix something along the lines of "you cause me to feel unnessecary feelings". no other context to what feelings they are, are they hate? disgust? fear? OR LOVE??? because of the queer censorship in japan where the gamee was originally made i doubt we'll ever get a directly stated canon version, theyll forever be canon in my heart. theyre actually perfect, theyre childhood friends to lovers, you can milk shit tons of angst out of both of them sepperately and together, the fanart is just mwah, and the devs edge us for all were worth with barely canon wrightworth content.
i honestly cant choose one OTP ship for Miles. i have this problem with alot of ships containing my favorite charecters from different medias. i just love them so much i want to see them loved by multiple people, my favorite edgeworth ships however are wrightbutworth, wrightworth, and gumworth, theyre all just such good ships
switching topics i cant decide on a favorite twisted wonderland character.. ITS SO HARD, there are so many goof characters both in design and writing.. my tops ones are Vil, Divus, Riddle, Idia, Deuce, Neige, Epel, Rook, Malleus, And leona... THATS ALOT, i cant just choose one to favor over the rest, they all sit equally in my heart...i have different reasons for liking each, i like idia due to how similar we are with the fear of messing everything up with just one word, Riddle because of how deep and detailed his backstory is, vil because of his whole overblot story, deuce because hes a cutie pie and how akward he is, neige because snow white has always been my favorite princess, Epel because of his whole attitude towards vil and that cutie southern accent, rook cause of his pretty bob and how he interacts with vil taking on the act of his huntsman, malleus from the way he talks, leona cause of his VA in the anime and his whole nonchalant act...and then divus because im lowkey freaked for him #id be his dog. so like you can see the reasons for enjoying each characters range from silly to serioud, yet they all hold the same exact amount of space in my heart :(...
lucky for carter he doesnt have any chance of being included in that problem. He pisses me off on another level, hes just so annoying "some people call me cay-cay" "are you cray-cray for cay-cay" SHUUUT UPPPPPUH. i want to super glue his lips shut and delete all social media from his phone he causes an uncontrolable rage to bubble up each time he appears on my screen.
im so excited for next monday. im going ice skating with august! my favorite parts gonna be falling on my face. ive never ice skated before, ironically for how much i obssess over figure skating. back when i used to live up near a rink i had no friends so i never went, and now when i have friends i dont live near one thats open all year. im super excited for this one though, i hope ill be okay because im semi decent at rollar skating. i used to be obsessed with joining rollar derby when i was six and started rollar skating, however due to the missing piece of skull in the back of my head from brain surgery the things im allowed to do are limited. if i were to hit that spot too hard itd be game over a total K.O. some of the few things i can remeber from being young was playing mock derby with my brothers giant elephant plush and my moms giant teddy bear, id skate super fast aroudn the island in our small kitchen before tackling the two plushies and giggling. last summer i got a super old pair for 50cents at a church yard sale, and i attempted to teach myself artistic rollar skating to little success, im going to try and continue to rollar skate up until next monday so i dont make a total fool out of myself.
last night it was so silly, me and cami were playfully arguing about lev haiba her favorite charecter in haikyuu. i was insulting his height and calling him an alien whhile cami defended him...then i fell asleep mid text like a total loser.
reconnecting with cami has me thinking about our first date and the only date id ever been on. i had planned it, a movie on valintines day with her, i had been going to ask her on valintines but shed beat me too it asking me out on the day before. we still had the date, and wed chosen two movies. the second one was normal and one i had seen and she hadnt, juno one of my current comfort movies, i figured shed like it due to how she likes the moldy peaches. the first movie however was not as romantic as id thought.. Perks of a wallflower, id assumed from what someone had told me and the movie poster that it was a chick flick and it had emma watson who played hermione(cami likes harry poter). ITS NOT A CHICK FLICk, NOT EVEN CLOSE. it instead was a deep and emotional movie that had me holding back tears by the end of it. ive mentally banned myself from picking movies without having seen them before after that.
i cant think of anything else to say ive been writing for almost an hour straight, im five minutes short of one hour. ill try and post more bigger non vents trust!
cami texted me asking if we could talk at 10:30 yesterday, and when i clicked the notification it wasd gone, i think shes mad at me. i hope she tells me what was bothering her, i dont want to lose her again.
HOLY VIEWS BATBLOG, OVER 400 PEOPLE HAVE SEEN MY WEBPAGE???? i never thought id see a number higher than 20, im so thankful people are seeing my work
back in 2021 i was obssessed with the idea of hanahaki disease so i tried to write a tsukishima hanahaki fic which was lowkey buns and now i wanna rewrite it... dare i?
last night cami posted a story on her tiktok that said @conner hi, miss you. I think were finally friends again and im happy that even though shes moved on shes in my life again.
MARIE IS TRYING TO FIND MY SITE JUST TO SEE THIS BLOG.. i do not want marie to see my blog i already feel weird with august having the possibilty or seeing both my vents and art, i just like dont want either of them to look at me differently. she lowkey made my heart drop in fear id told her that shed never find it because the sites adress was a username i only use for accounts that both my irl and online friends dont have access to, and he called me a conartist...i had to pause for a second and poker face.
why couldnt manfred vonkarma make out with gregory edgeworth insted just like get so freaky that he falls for you and beocmesyour ddiscordd ekitten giving up his life as a defense lawyer. capcom make me a writer.
sometimes i forget that im a teenager not an adult, that its still acceptable for me to act and like things a child likes. so today while i work on opening statements im watching disney princess movies trying to rememeber what my childhood favorite was
i dont know if it was intentional but yesterday i made my status on discord "id still adore you with your hands around my neck" and today like two minutes before writing this she changed her status to "or i did last time i checked" which if youve never heard 505 by arctic monkeys (youre a loser and need to go listen immeditally) is the next lyrics. i think im delusional about this she probably just wanted an arctic monkeys quote on her page, cause artic monkeys is so peak
i kinda didnt think i nor this blog were ever to be seen in a manner of actual acknoledgement, its scary to think im percived by other people.
oooo you guys wanna come kiss me so bad, oooo its the cherry chapstick, oooo im not a girl but you could kiss me and like it ooooo
listen to this "Hey there fellow internet user! Chances are, if you're reading this, you are someone I know in real life that I blabbed to about this, or someone from discord stalking my profile, so let me know when you see this okie dokie? Fair warning, I will be talking mild shizzle on some people so if you don't want to know how I feel about you I advise you look at the rest of my super cool website instead, linked at the bottom of the page. There might also be some venting, which I will highlight or notify you, dear reader, in some way, shape or form beforehand. Not sure what yet will come of this page, but I mainly made it so I could try making a nicer blog than my friend Connor, even though he actually coded his... but whatever at least I don't have as many spelling mistakes :3" (not citing purposefully loser)
do you hear this, his blog is totallllly emo its like all black! I can always hear that one song that goes "tonight will be the night that i will fall for yewwww" when he walks by in the hallway. HE STOLE MY WORD AND DIDNT CREDIT ME. i coined the term shizzle, for shizzle. also to adress the bad spelling allegations, theyre fake youll never find a typo on this page, any of the you see arent real, and are delusions. . im like five feet taller than august so ill just crush him like an ant next time i see him.
also i gave lil blueberry bro the coding to make his own site, he was just too lazy and loser to COPY AND PASTE IT into a neocities page.
to august because im sure youre reading this (stalker, tim drake wannabe.) get bette and code your own site. Eat my jorts nerd♡ ♡ ♡
ps august is actually kinda okay so go support his smelly strawpage ( https://augustxr.straw.page/blog )
Im trying to start updating this every day, it feels nice to get things out and just say random sutff. Its nice to know someones listening even if i doubt anyone is reading this.
I keep waking up late, i have SEVENTY-EIGHT ALARMS... I dont understand how i keep missing them, like ill wake up annywhere from 7-10am and be stuck panicked at home trying to find a ride to school so i dont have to take exams. im lowkey hating highschool can i graduate already, not because of classes i love love love the learning factor a, if i could just wake up on time and not have to see the kids i have a mutual dislike with it would be angelic.
Yesterday i figured out how to use ds emulators and how to download roms. im playing this cute game Tokimeki Memorial Girl's Side: 1st Love. the main character Kei Hazuki is such a cutie!! he's shy and reserved but a total prince type when you get close!... which i didnt do. the game humbled me. i was beaten by an otome dating sim from the 2000s. IT WAS SO HARD TO TRY AND BALANCE PERSONAL LIFE, STUDYING, ART, CLUB, SHOPPING, FITNESS, AND GO ON DATES ALL WHILE MANAING STRESS. i started crying because i totally tanked my relationship with Kei :(. i think im the background friend type you put in the game to move the story along, all of my only friendship avalible characters were maxed out and anyone with love practically hated me... however todays a new day and once i get out of school (because of the stupid phone ban) im getting back on the grind.
update on cami, shes still infuriatingly perfect and creeping into all of my waking thoughts. shes just so hgifzjghvuilgyefhbjcz!!! we spent an hour yesterday sending tiktoks back and forth and joking together. i think im just being delusional but i thought she was flirting a few days ago, i made my discord status "whos gonna be the pheonix wright to my miles edgeworth" which she knew i shipped because i never shut the hell up about wrightworth, but she messaged me INDMS and said i can be your pheonix wright which was so very romance!
In english we're reading about justice and how theres no easy path to it. I personally think this is one of the best topics that we could go over. right now we're currently going over the letter from birmingham jail written by Martin Luthur King. The letter is beautifully written, he often alludes to Both religious and Philosophical figures to rope in the readers and change their view on people who are slightly different. Sadly i missed the first day of reading cause i woke up at 10am and missed my first four periods.
im so cooked in math, im genuinely an idiot. im a year behind taking algebra 1 as a sophmore. im failing simple tests because i just genuinely cant comprehend the information were given. teachers will tell me things are easy and then itll be like trying to cut a boulder with a butter knife. i know its due to homeschooling and how my mother wasnt able to properly teach me because of her dementia, and after 6th grade for the rest of middle school into my first half of freshman year i gave up completely on everything. Im here the family idiot while my brother is a genuis,he graduated at fifthteen, won every chanpionship for mathletes, science fairs with complicated stem projects, an iq as high as einstein. then theres me barely making it through freshmen level math with an ixl score of 680 in math. atp i should just accept ill be working at mcdonalds for the rest of my life. /hj
also today is the one year anniversary of me meeting my friend group. all because of a silly discord roleplay gc. Now ive met two (soon to be three in february) in person, stuck around strong with them through thick and thin. im eternally thankful for each and every moment spent with them.
I think i may be an idiot. so last year I met this girl Camilla and she's perfect. She does marching band, and plays percussion, she likes a ton of things i like(haikyuu, peanuts, fnaf, ace attorney, arctic monkeys, weezer, ETC), introduced me to things id never seen before yet quickly became enamored with (F1, And the music freaks), she was sweet too the kind of girl i could take home to my parents, the kind of girl youd think only exsists in your dreams except she was real and she was mine. however I completely ruined everything with her over the summer, id gotten into my head as i often do when cooped up in my house cut off from humanity (minus my parents and bo, but neither of them count since they only add to the feeling of insanity.) that paired with how little wed been texting had me thinking of her and how perfect she was and then looked at myself and how big of a Loser i am. i thought of how one day id possibly have to open up to her about being SAed and groomed and how I may never be ready to be intimate on that level, i thought of the scars that mentally and physically ruin my body, i thought about her parents and how they would never approve of our relationship being both girls, then i thought of the fact we were online dating and how there had to be much better and more suitable people living closer to her, and the fact that i may be doomed to only ruin people. I had broken up with her and had pretty much self isolated from everyone until some things started happening to one of my closest friend and she needed support bringing me back to the groupchat she was in. over the last few months the group chat has been perpeptually dead, until the last few weeks when wed all gotten tired of Dms and the yearning for our old closeness. however that means im unable to avoid talking to her (i have not been trying one bit just trying not to stay attached) and im realizing why id fallen in love with her. im relearning each habit and tic that brought me to having such strong feelings for her. however as all tragic romances go im pretty sure shes moved on and found a new crush, which i dont blame her for one bit id been the one to end things with her and to ruin one of the few good things i still have. I wish things had turned out differently and that i hadnt let my thoughts overtake, however all i can do now is sit back and watch her hoping she finds happiness even if it doesnt involve me....i might meet up with her in person because our shared friend hayleigh(squeaky as she affectionatly earned from me, a story for another time.) is being visted by her in feburary and theyd both invited me to join because im 15 hours closer to squeaky than cami (im only 2 hours awayy while shes 17)
I GOT GOOSE???? IDK IF THATS GOOD OR NOT IVE NEVER READ THE PLAY.. WERE APPARENTLY DOING CHARLOTTES WEB THOUGH
DRAMA CLUB CAST LIST IS COMING OUT ANY TIME NOW IM SO SCAREED!!! EEEEEEK!!!
I DONT KNOW WHAT I AUDITIONED FOR CAUSE MY DRAMA CLUB LEADER MR.SHULTZ DIDNT TELL US THE PLAY CLAIMING HE WANTED A FULL ARTISTIC VIEW...IM SO NERVOUS I HAVENT AUDTIONED FOR ANYTHING SINCE TWO YEARS AGO. im actually a little scared i couldve done so much better in the audition...
i completely lost what was hereso i have to re do it (its never getting redone)
thats kinda all i got.. i dont really know what to say. im gonna try and update this semi regularly. these blogs will be different from my journalism page, over here ill yap and talk about my random thoughts, but over there im going to report on current events in media. i do have a paper on the recent louvre heist (which has totally peaked my interst, like a successful heist in our day and age?!?!?!?!?)
asl
dungeon of doom and jovial despair
dungeon of doom and despair
yapparoni and cheese
ominous background music
417??!??!???!?!
why the hell why i obsessed with floral scented throw up.
crawling back to you, ever thought of calling when you have a few? cause i know i do.
wiwi wisp lovers dni
all roads lead to yaoi heaven
A dream is a wish your heart makes
The horizon tries, but it's just not as kind on the eyes
i exsist?
i should probs add times so i can post multiple times a day
the smelliest person alive.
if i was a carebear id be bedtime bear
new year, old feelings
drama clubt.2.
Drama club
i have too big of an ego.